Went to dinner at the home of my nemesis, cousin Sonya last night. Sonya was always a shit, but now I've realised some people really have no clue where food comes from!
To start things off I was offered a vodka lime & soda. Nice one! Except, the "lime" was that pretend lime juice out a green plastic bottle. Ok Georgie, I said to meself, stop being fussy. Smile and drink the bloody drink.
I drank the drink (cue cat's-arse facial expression).
Next on the menu was dip and crackers. The crackers were corn chips - Mexican flavour (blechh!) and the dip was Coles brand avocado. I am yet to come across a major label dip that doesn't taste like pencil shavings, seriously.
Deep breath, Georgie, she's promised a bbq, how bad can that be?
Well. Out came the frozen burgers. Microwaved before going on the hotplate, of course. The salad came out of a bag, the dressing came out of a bottle, the potato salad came out of a Coles deli tub. Not a single item in the meal was made with fresh ingredients (unless you count vodka!).
I despair.
It's not that I'm a real food snob, and we all know I'm as much a lazy cow as the next bovine wench, but I just can't understand how some people have no perception of the taste of food. It's not cheaper to buy frozen burgers, they taste like cardboard, and they are full of all sorts of shit. And if you're too lazy to make your own burgers Sonya, what's wrong with a bloody lamb chop or a freaking sausage?
The worst thing about my cousin Sonya is that she thinks she's a great hostess (bless her). The best thing about being Sonya’s cousin is I can dob to Gran, who will tell Auntie Flo, who tell kick Sonya's sorry arse!
Aaah, family. Don't you just love Christmas time?
GW the HRB
;-)
p.s. Clearly not over the shocking pink yet. Loved your reaction, Stephen. Don't worry, it won't last much longer. You know how novelties are.
3 comments:
Unless its a boy and a new toy, then we can expect poking, proding and pulling apart until they cant get it back together...the pink is a LITTLE bright georgie...but I can think of ALOT worse.
Dear Bitch
I may be being a bit churlish, but it sounds to me as though you were a bit harsh on Sonya.
As a lover of good grub, I agree she was less than a star in her efforts.
But you seemed to be the guest from hell, already having made up your mind not to like anything.
You obviously knew your mark, so why bother?
Not everyone is prepared to be a slave to the kitchen. Not everyone is prepared, full stop.
Cultivate graciousness. Did you pitch in by the way?
If I was Sonya, I would tell you to piss off right smart.
Also, what's this ``freakin sausage'' stuff. Terribe American term when they mean something else. Perhaps ``bloody" sausage would have been more appropriate.
Certainly more Australian.
As ever, your devotee,
Eric.
Dear Eric,
You are absolutely right, I am a bit harsh on poor old Sonya. I've clearly never gotten over her ability to do the splits when we were kids. And to answer your question: I took zabaglione and wine. As for 'freaking sausages', they are a special Chinese sausage from the Phreking province. 'Bloody sausages' on the other hand are German I believe.
Have a happy day, and thanks always for your thoughts.
GW xxx
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