Monday, February 07, 2005

Gondwana (sigh)

Jason, Jason, Jason. Where have you sent me? Gondwana … theme restaurant in a time warp. Great Southern Land meets dull 80’s menu.

We struggled with Gondwana’s selection, I’m afraid to say. It took us a rather long time to wade through the options. Unlike Stillwater where a degustation takes the agony of choosing out of my hands, at Gondwana the agony of choosing was not about being spoilt for exciting choice. It was a comprehensive enough menu, but just plain uninspiring.

Calamari … could have been Fish Frenzy, could have been Rockerfellers, could have been my Nanna’s kitchen (admittedly my Nanna does rock with a deep fryer!).
New York Cut of Ocean Trout … perfectly cooked but bland fish (trout just doesn’t compare to salmon in my books, unless it’s raw) sitting on, you guessed it, A BED OF MASH (yawn).

God I sound hard to please. The truth is I’m not! Really! If you have a whole commercial kitchen and a plethora of fresh produce at your feet, there is no excuse for not dazzling my tits off! Seriously!

The most exciting item presented to us was the little “palate cleanser” … vodka and apple juice with a tart little dollop of sorbet. Sheer delight.

Look, the service was good. And laughing boy seems to have grown up and was actually rather pleasant. We were well looked after, we were offered tastes to assist in our wine selection, and so on. But it wasn’t enough to overcome the failings of the menu. The food was not bad, it was just a bit ho hum. And I had such high hopes!

I’d write more, but to be honest I can’t be bothered. Like our be-shackled mates of days gone by, when it comes to the Great Southern Land, we couldn’t wait to escape.


Jason Lovell said...

Well well, apart from snickering like an itchy horse, I'm not sure what to say. I guess my provincial palate, with its preference for lamb chops and 5 veg, has been exposed as somewhat ... uh, um, naive? Is that the right word for it?

Your visit seems to confirm that one person's hell is another's heaven. Or, as Laughing Boy is probably thinking, "Hell is other people"!

Anyway, have now got a yardstick to measure other reviews by. Very handy and, as always, great giggle-fuel.
Catch you out there sometime,

Georgie Weston said...

It pained me greatly to not share your enthusiasm. But it was just my opinion, please continue to keep me honest!

Lethal said...

Is your credibility as a reviewer in question when you bag one of Tasmania's only fine chefs for his menu? I for one give the man credit for being far more inventive than say 'fish frenzy'. Hey but at least fish frenzy provides a service worth something to the multitudes,
So sorry(YAWN)where does this leave you? Thinking you provide a service? Or eating up precious internet space with your musings?
Maybe a more constructive approach might be to pick up a pan and show people through your chefing wizardry.
Knock us out Tiger!

Anonymous said...

RE: Gondwana, am in agreeance. Found it to be OK, just, and not up to the hype. In regards to Lethal's comments, I went to a Dentist once who did a shit job on my teeth, this does not mean I have to go to Denistry school to have a good complain about it.

Won't be going back to G in a hurry.

Anonymous said...

oooooohhhhh wittle wethal has his wittle feelings a wittle bit bwused i fink? oh well i spwose he is entitled to his opinion? get it lethal? opinion? you are alowed to write your pre-pubesant 'musings' on the valuable world wide web but others aren't?

As long as this site pisses of chaps like (un)lethal, i remain a happy man( or women)

more power to the bitch!!

Anonymous said...

Hi - just wanted to say that we ate at your restaurant in February 2002. I am absolutely amazed, being from a place where restaurants can disappear monthly, that you are still there!! Wow. We loved your place, and had a fun experience there; we returned to the cruise ship happy and completely satisfied. Did you know that the maple trees at the front of the historic penitentiary prison were a gift from Canada? They were from John Graves Simcoe, who also served as the Lieutenant Governor of Ontario in the mid-1800's after leaving as Governor of Tasmania. A shared passage. Congrats on staying in business all these years and cheers to you.