Sunday, November 19, 2006

Tinkering for Tinkering's Sake

Breakfast at Timeless Way ...

Cafe Latte:
  • Hot milk in glass Irish Coffee mug, dash of cinnamon on top
  • Coffee served in a separate steel jug
Pour coffee into your mug of milk - lose crema along the way

Poached eggs on toast:
  • Two eggs poached in egg rings served on a large white plate
  • Two slices of toast in a basket wrapped in a napkin
Place toast on plate, then carefully lift egg onto toast. This is only achievable if your eggs are poached to almost 'hard boiled' standard (which, of course, they were)
Need I say more?



Stephen said...

Agree entirely, its really irritating and its worse than harmless affectation because it actually spoils a meal.

I add to Georgie's example the obligatory totem size phalic shaped pepper grinder.

...Apparently there's a law that they must be rationed to no more than one per restaurant.

...To be used only by the floor staff - presumably due to workplace safety issues about the operation of heavy machinery.

...Customer expected to decide whether, and how much, seasoning is necessary before tasting the dish.

...said grinder never to be returned after initial offer.

Why on earth do they do that? In the entire span of human history, has a restaurant ever lost a single customer because it failed to have staff on hand to shake the salt??

And why don't the chefs have a hissy fit at the presumption by the floor staff that the grub they just served needs seasoning?

hrv said...

Whoa dude!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hell hath no fury like a stephen who doesn't get to grind his own pepper. You tell 'em steve, you angry guy.

Anonymous said...

Pepper grinders ain't nuthin.
In Scotland, me and the missus went for lunch and part of it was a shared pizza with salad.
The pizza was a bit thin, topping-wise but a wooden bowl of pre-grated parmesan was plonked on the table with it.
Ah, we thought, we'll kick in a bit of flavour with some of that.

Just as the missus reached over for the spoon the waitress lunged forward.
``Oh, sorry,'' she said. ``We have to do that.''
She spooned one teaspoon of the parmesan for us each and picked up the bowl.
I asked her to leave it but she said she wasn't allowed to but she'd give me a little sprinkle more!

That was less than a teaspoon.

No wonder that land gets a caning for deep-fried Mars Bars and deep-fried pizzas.
Hobart, you don't know you're living.

Nellie said...

HRB, that is simply appalling. Nuff said.

Stephen said...

Apropos of nothing in particular, we had the perfect late breakfast this morning at Newtown Station Nursery.

Highly recommended.

Stephen said...

Anonymous, I too have had the high security parmesan treatment. I think it was somewhere around Hobart, but years ago. Wish I could remember the venue.

Its like certain condiments are deemed by the industry to be beyond the ability of the ignorant consumer to use safely.

Maybe all chefs have been traumatised by seeing their inspired creations promptly covered with a dollop of HP-sauce?

Anonymous said...

Further to my Scottish parmesan misery....
My missus says my memory isn't 100 per cent.
It was an initial sparse teaspoon BETWEEN us and then an extra half from the waitress.
And God knows how long it had been sitting grated in that bowl.

Garrulous Gourmet said...

I would NEVER accept parmesan from a fetid spoon jabbed into a greasy bowl of putrid, bileous & rancid excuse for parmesan. It would be not unlike all those awful bowls of complimentary bar peanuts that have about 30 different samples of urine on them! So, No thanks Mr Waiter & while you're at it, take that friggin' black pepper Phallus back to the Black Rose where it belongs! GG

hrv said...

What about being lapped (serviette/napkin) by your waitperson - hey if I want you that close to my crotch I'd hire a lapdancer!

Anonymous said...

Personally I don't mind being "lapped." As a waiter it's always good to be able to choose you should and shouldn't be doing it to however some people don't realise that in order to put their plate of food down, it's always easier if they remove their nakpin from the table. When you're carrying really hot plates there is nothingworse then waiting for some wanker to shut up and sit up and remove whatever they have either left infront of themselves or placed infront of them.

Garrulous Gourmet said...

Hey HRV, that lap dancing comment is an Anthony Bourdain quote! GG

hrv said...

Sorry GG. I didn't realise that. It's my pet hate along with phalic pepper grinders

Anonymous said...

id rather have the phalic pepper grinder than the coarsley ground pepper in a beautiful dish on your table setting, that has been who knows played with by the hands of guests, service staff that have who knows, been to the loo and didnt realise the soap and hand wash basin is there for a reason!!!
just a thought!

Anonymous said...

You are >so right< about the latte - Bi-zarre!

Just as you described: the roles of coffee and milk are reversed - "the latte you make at the table".